The Great GenCon Plot
GenCon 2003 Demo
The first scene of this demo opened knowing nothing more about the
story than it would take place at GenCon2003 on Saturday. It began
in the dealer room with an 11 year old boy having just purchased an old
boxed Avalon Hill game from Crazy Igors. After the boy leaves, a man
in black Vampire costume and sunglasses approaches the booth and surreptitiously
inquires of Igor himself for a particular game that was supposed to be
held for him. The very same game sold accidentally to the boy not
moments before...dun, dun, daaaa
Meanwhile the boy was lost. People kept bumping into him as if he
wasn't even there and no one he asked for directions paid any attention to
him at all. It was as if he was completely invisible. He
clutched his game purchase tighter and began frantically searching for a
way out of the hall. But the hall was laid out like a maze and there
was no possibility of actually navigating the isles without a map and
compass.
The man in black saw the boy and went after him, grabbing for the
game. The boy, realizing the man was trying to steal his game, tried
to escape but no one could see him struggle. No one that is except
Lydia, the blue fairy girl with her chain mail bikini, wings, and large
glittery butterfly glasses. You see somehow the boy had been
rendered invisible to everyone except those wearing costume eyewear
Lydia got the boy away from the goth wannabe and tried to lead him
safely out of the hall, but before she could she was accosted by Sailor
Bubba. Sailor Bubba, a large hairy man with a sizeable beer gut
straining against his Sailor Moon costume thought Lydia was all that and
wanted to "admire her costume up close". Before Lydia
could extricate herself from his sweaty clutches the boy had
disappeared.
At this point the scene shifts to a dark back room at Jillians where
that evil cabal known as the Diana Jones Award Committee were holding a
secret meeting. There we see Ron Edwards, part time Sorcerer / full
time Cult leader; Matt Forbeck, breeder of his own private army of future
game designers; Peter Adkinson, corporate mastermind who single-handedly
managed to figure out how to keep overcrowding down at the con by trapping
most of the attendees in line outside; and newly initiated member Jordan
Weisman, creator of an army of mutant clix that have been sold around the
world and are even now waiting to be activated.
They are plotting to take over the world.
Unfortunately for them, the secret plans outlining their nefarious plot
have been stolen by agents of the Origins Awards and secretly hidden in an
old Avalon Hill game to be picked up by their vampire agent. They
had thought this would be a safe hiding place since "no one plays
those musty old war game things anymore". They equipped the box
with an invisibility device that would activate once the box was sold so
that their agent could escape unmolested.
But their efforts were thwarted by a young 11 year old boy who had seen
the light. This boy, this miraculous boy, has cast aside collectable
cards, over priced and over sized minis, and rubber clicky things.
He has scorned cheap games that come in paper envelopes, and games from
foreign lands whose rules have nothing whatsoever to do with the picture
on the box. He refuses to have any association with pale poorly
dressed people who run around with crossed arms shouting "you can't
see me, you can't see me". He has seen the true roots of gaming
holiness...hexes and cardboard counters. Perhaps if he can escape
the clutches of his pursuers with his prize he will single handedly save
gaming and usher in a new generation of real gamers...
But wait, one of the many hooded and deceitful members of the Cult of
Ron has reported that the box and boy were last scene with blue-chainmail-fairy-chick
and she has been located. Already Diana Jones operatives are moving
into position to intercept her.
"Excellent" says Herr Professor Edwards, his fingers steepled
and his trademark evil grin upon his face. "Everything is
proceeding as I have foreseen"
Meanwhile in the elevator lobby of the Westin hotel Lydia waits to
return to her room. Suddenly a faint clicking sound is heard.
The sound grows louder and more numerous until the air is filled with the
sound of a million clicking beetles.
They aren't beetles! Its a horde of mutant clicks. They
crawl, walk, and even fly, swarming around Lydia and poking her with their
little rubber swords and punching her with their little rubber
fists. Lydia tries to defend herself, frantically grabbing them one
by one and twisting them till they show triple skulls...but there are far
too many points in this army.
Suddenly, a hulking shape looms out of the shadows. Its Sailor
Bubba! Trying to work up the courage to ask blue-chainmail-fairy-chick
for a date, he arrived just in time. Running at a full sprint (just
about the speed of an 80 year old man with a walker) Sailor Bubba heaves
his bulk into the air. As a high jump, he might have cleared a two
foot bar...but fortunately Clix aren't that tall. With a mighty
belly flop...the splat of which reverberates around the lobby, Bubba
crushes hundreds of Clix at a time. Rolling about on the floor like
some sort of break dancing manatee in a pleated skirt, he demolishes the
Clix horde giving Lydia time to make her escape.
What will happen now? Will Lydia save the boy? Will the boy
escape to realize his destiny of bringing back true gaming to the
masses? Will the corporate shills of the Origins Award Committee
succeed in thwarting the plans of their Diana Jones rivals? Will the
evil master minds of Diana Jones succeed in taking over the world,
unleashing cosmic destruction? Will we ever find out who this Diana
Jones person is anyway?
Who knows. Shortly thereafter this demo was shut down by agents
of evil and all participants were hauled off to some empty foreclosed
Wizards-Attic warehouse where even now they are undergoing unspeakable
tortures involving thousands of Break Keys. Only I escaped to bring
you this warning.
Be afraid, be very afraid.
Featured Element, Yeah, this was a real demo:
No lie.
---Ralph Mazza
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